One Step Closer

Feel the world crumble below your feet as you venture towards the edge of the cliff. Nothing is more real than knowing that it is all about to end. Reality is nothing but a series of ideas gathered and sorted by one's own mind. Forget what makes you hurt and focus on the things that life you up. Negative energy will destroy a dream, and if it doesn't do that, it will certainly delay the act of reaching for it. Don't loosen your grip if you know what you want, unless it is completely unattainable. Then maybe it is time to reevaluate your goals or the path that you are walking. No more crying over things you cannot change, instead embrace the things that you take for granted... like breathing, I like that shit. You should too. Music... without it, many people wouldn't have release from anxiety or sadness, maybe even anger.

If you know the burner is hot do not place your bare hand upon it.

Traverse the Darkness

Once again the silence beckons. Dancing upon the twilight hour as if there will be no tomorrow. Fear not the possibility of that unless you have given up on those dreams that hold you together. Gather the notes and organize your words before the refrain is finished. You may repeat, but do not do so indefinitely. Forgive the pain for it creates strength. Acknowledge agony but do not let it control you. Chaos is what has birthed this evening. Let it find you another mind. Bring you into an alternate reality where happiness can be found by simply opening your eyes. If you are lucky enough to give into your imagination then believe in yourself and see how far you can fly. You need no wings, only trust in the wind to carry you further from the ground than gravity's pull.

Caress the void once more, let it fill your veins with the madness of rhythm and let your chorus be heard all around the world.

Valiant Consequence

No more twisting
Everything has stalled
Dreaming of the silent peace
That had me climbing up the walls
Torment fuels the massive hurt
Cherish those moment before it turns
Nothing works as expected
Even dry ice creates a burn
Forget what you know
Remember everything new
Dragging below the shallow surface
Drinking up the dew
No twilight melody to calm the storm
Nothing to cure the view

Heart

What is a heart? Other than the center of and motor for the vascular system. Emotions are not really attached to it, yet the chest tightens when it hurts emotionally. Breathing fails, rate increases exponentially. Forget everything you know. I am not real.

Landscape

Poignant view
Of what is you
Nothing left
That dreams can do
Falling apart
Folding away
Stealing what once
Left of today
No more peace
Holding tight
Nothing staying night to night
Finding strength in being alone
Torment suffers and sings along
Tears fall down
Forgotten memories fade
Reality sets in again
It is no longer yesterday
The sun shall rise
Sleep shall fail
Security seeks commitment
Expecting bail
Caged inside
Walls caving in
Breathing so sporadically
Grasping my chest
This might be
My final breath

Tick-Tock

Watching a clock turn
Feeling the mind bleed
Longing for eternal burn
Creating only what I need
Silent melodies dance
While psychotic rhythms bounce
There remains no more calm
Shaking and ready to pounce
Trembling from existence
Fading into the floor
No longer is there voices
I can't hear them anymore

Soul-less

Emptied out once again
No place left to begin
I cannot fight my thoughts
I'd rather keep on feeling lost
Cut me open
Watch me bleed
There's nothing left to take from me
I alone have made this hell
I alone is the one to dwell
Venture not within my grasp
I will most certainly destroy your ass
Your mind and soul will burn away too
It is not something I can undo
Words I cannot retrieve from yesterdays past
My head full of haze from a solid blast
In need of chemicals to escape
I no longer wish for this, my fate
Let me rot, and let me die
I will no longer even try
I leave behind my job and more
As I fade into the floor
Alcohol calls me once again
No all I want is to forget
Forget I ever felt alive
Forget I even thought I'd try
Dreaming no more of what's to come
Only dreading what's been undone
There is no reason for you to stay
I am chaos, you should go away
My heart was shattered and then like new
But all I did was mistreat you
I deserve this suffering and pain
I no longer strive for gain
Fill the hole pack it tight
I wish my air to be gone tonight
Do not cry when I am gone
The world will improve
Everyone will move on
Silent tap dance upon my grave
Here lies a soulless one that no one could save

Twisted Methods

Falling backwards once again
Feeding silence to my friend
No more laughter
No more tears
All the remains
Is wrapped in fears
Slightly concussive
From the fall
On the floor
Is where the vodka crawls
Chasing sleep
As if I could find
Someway, somehow
To change my mind
My heart is longing
The soul is sold
Music's grasp
Has taken hold
Burn my flesh
Taste my blood
Along comes the structure
Before the flood
Empty my heart
Let it bleed
For without love
It serves no need
Lifeless corpse
Waiting to rot
I have given
All that that I got
Like it, hate it
Watch it die
This perception
Is through my eye
One is useless
So I don't see
Why the constant
Staring at me
Ignore me now
Let me fade
I was not
Supposed to be made

Agonizing Retreat

Dreaming forlorn
Beginning undone
Nothing remains
The chorus unsung
Ringing so soft
My brain as it bleeds
Stealing away
My sweet melody
Rhythm contrives
Another brigade
Tearing apart
What once I had made
Holding so close
Felling alone
Empty the heart
Until it is stone
Frozen but melting
Fading away
Tomorrow will challenge
A whole other day
Broken apart
Twisted around
If you cannot find me
Just look on the ground
There I will stay
Until the morning dew
Reaching for sanity
My face turning blue
Swallow the air
Let it be known
Agony is company
When you are alone

Unexplainable

Violent streams
Folding the fray
Gouging down
Drown the day
Purple face
No oxygen left
Deep within
Fantasy's kept
Reaching now
Creeping through
Fractured image
Of what to do
Squeezing beyond tight
Never letting loose
Whether one or both
They always leave a bruise
Smiling and bloody
Exhausted and quenched
The hunger still grows
While lying there drenched

Deeming

Dreaming of you
Dreaming of me
What never will
Will always be
Memories flow
Drenching the surface
Magnificent climax
Serving this purpose
Unbelievably lasting
Beyond fantasy's vibe
Never even imagined
Feeling this alive
Breaking the mold
Breathing once again
Ecstasy erupts wildly
Let the new chapter begin

Fated Pain

Fated alone
Along the way
Nothing is left
No music to play
Forgotten verse
Twisted pain
Sharpen the blade
Open the vein
Visions of silence
Tormented inside
Longing to  hold
To feel it collide
Dreaming awake
Stumbling through
Completely lost
Inside of you
Impossible reach
Completely complex
Strangling my will
Choking my neck
Swallowed by this
Unknown word
Longing for beyond
Shattered absurd       

Two's Day

Shattered mind
Falling down
Open arms
Folded now
Cut the vein
Collective bleed
Feeds the demons
Clinging playfully
Holding tight
To the thought
Stretched beyond
Brains can't be bought
Absorb
Retain
Forever reaching in
Melody's contained
Now let it begin

        ~§~

Sanity's Peak

Carve the knife
Into my soul
There is nothing left
For me to hold
Silent and numbed
Fading away
Insecurities stay
Against the pain
I stand alone
Mentally defeated
I am my clone
Death has taken over
I've fallen beneath
Insanity's screaming
Demanding release
Frigid contemplation
I am over this day
It just begun
Already gone
My reasons
Undone
There can be only one
And one there shall be
After the madness
Has been set free


~§~

Forget

Let go the mental ties
As unity devides the soul
The sunrise takes the pain away
Swallows back the sound
Only few will taste the bite
And of those who do,
Less will know what to do
One sided often as such
Energy transfered by another touch
Gentlely breaking down
And building up again
Forgery of foley
Then inside back when
Gather all your axes
Construction begins now
The universe reveals a sign
You look the other way
Unfortunately this happens
Several times a day
Seasons chase each other
In a similar way
Spring is chasing Summer
Summer after Fall
While Fall gazes at Winter
Winter takes it all
Freezing, chilling, killing things
The whole time it's stalking spring
Humanity is suffering
There seems to be no cure
Emotionlessness is craved
Bones and hearts will ache
Strength, it's our desire
Forgotten by the fire

2014

Here I am sitting on the verge of complete self annihilation and I feel nothing. I am empty... there is no more "try" left in my will. I have tasted my dreams, I have acheived some goals and failed others. One would think that there should exist some sense of accomplishment, however, all I feel is defeat. I long for something that is out of reach, and I am done trying to stretch. The stars can stay in the sky, the moon as well. I have nothing left to inspire my soul. My musical days are limited now to whatever may or may not happen this year. All I can imagine at this point is silence. Before I sleep again I shall drink and drink and drink... Farewell to chasing dreams... off to get myself a factory job, preferably third shift so I don't have to deal with the daylight or humanity in general. I shall spare those around me of my misery by making myself absent from this chapter in life. Turn the page...for this is the end... the binding is falling from this novel, and I see no reason to fix it. Let what is dead be dead and I shall breathe no more.

Situate

Here we find another state of mind. Whether good or bad, the chaos that remains is dwelling within the hardened caves of madness. Waiting to thrive again, it seeks shelter, not knowing what shelter actually feels like. Yesterday's smiles have become empty and dry tears. I am incapable of feeling again. Curiously I sought out emotion and balance...  I found it, but it's not within the grasp of reality. Only dreaming begins such things. Being on the stage, feeling the music flow...  that rush, that high....
I found it.... I held it..... But will I ever again?

Chapter

We are never guaranteed tomorrow. Those moments that tear open your mind and let you truly see yourself are rare, but yet they do exist. I have witnessed my own life take place as if I were the paint on the wall. I hold my dreams and yet I am limited by time. I need ten days in a week..... I'll work on that.

2013

well the apocalypse has been quite the adventure for me. This year has been up and down...emotionally draining, financially stressful, musically extraordinary, spiritually I have unlocked the voices within, and even let some of them speak freely without censor from myself. Now I fear that the torment I have created within myself and other has taken its tole and there is no retribution to be found. The reality of this chaos is that it had no reset button, the only option is to search for inner peace, for my center needs balance, and I do not have even the slightest bit of balance left in my cerebrum. Tear apart my skull and separate my mind from my body, let me die with no sense of mortality. My time in this world is coming to a close, or a new chapter is about to begin... of which, I am not certain. So whilst I discuss these things with the multitude of familiar voices that dwell within, I curiously wonder if there ever was a place in this universe for me. My dreams are all that drive me, once they fade or become unattainable.... it is devastation. Failure is not an option in my life. For failure defeats my drive, my self image is quite similar to that of a 1 legged imbecile. I fear that nothing can save the darkness from being consumed by the chaos that I am. Destruction is all that is to follow this moment. Let the year end as it must, for I am still breathing.... until that ceases to be the situation, I will continue striving to maintain the chaos that is me. I need seclusion from society, from myself even, if I am to survive this life.

Visionesque

Swollen upon the horizon's edge
Grasping for a view
Oxygen retreats again
As silence whistles through the years
Never stopping upon request
It travels freely though the ears
Constricted anti-frown
Begins the pain
Carried by a clown
Wondrous merriment all abound
Open arms envelop me
Escaping yesterday's reality
Breathe in simply everything
Volume escalating
As nature sings

Eve

Crested moonlight captures you
Upon the snowfall
Within the dew
Chasing memories yet to create
Wrapped and tucked
Snuggled up tight
Impatiently waiting
For yet another night

Essential

Sensual gestures made so sleight
After yet a wondrous night
Chasing peace and rested bounces
Surfing the endless mindless feed
As entertainment becomes reality
Softer than a whisper's scream
Echoing in the background: "go team!"
Chuckles McGee
Has found me
And chilled by the warmth
I retreat

Cotton Cacoon

Derivative obscure
Finds flawless wonder
Bouncing in the snow
Forever intertwined
Two hearts are combined
Warm escapes the soft
Pillow's edge of the state
Dreams ever chasing
Floating verily all about
Forgotten fairy tale
Begets another day
Unending smiles
Envelop the way

Wander-Some

Moments enduring
Painless wonder
Shivering down the spine
Awaiting another date
To overtake the current state
Happiness without tears
Falls upon the day
Cherishing time's existence
And a life without pain
Window's opening slowly
As the breeze creeps inside
Warmth is superficial
Untold harmonies will imbibe
The ceiling of darkness scatters
Once again I feel my friend
Alone has never been the same
Never will it be again
Walking now along the street
Future's companion
There shall I meet

Shiver

Frosted horizons bare the deed
Yet unfinished silence has to bleed
Moment by moment and far between
The instance between memory and a dream
Nothing is left for time to find
The rhythm is falling
Getting twisted by rhyme
Flowing as freely
As the spring flowers bloom
The canvas is waiting
Escaping the tune
Close your eyes now
Let the melody begin

Memory Foam

Holding up the weighted brain
Timeless wonder cannot contain
Painless passion does nothing more
Than reason with eternity
Chasing down the cold
Before sun's rise
Out the door
Until we meet again today
In my head we both shall play

Conscious

Forging creation upon the volume
Reminds me of that dream
When everything was everywhere
Where nothing seemed to be
More of what we did not have
To frolic among the waves
Yesterday reaches tomorrow's hands
Swaying in the rafters
Clattering dissonance cheers
The impossible flies a new
Resolved to genuine beauty
Smiling forever at you

Patient-less

Waiting as the clock turns
Across the universe
It seems that you must be
For now I sit
Singing the silence softly
In splendorous rhythm
One moment can not come too fast
To escape the one's already past
Frozen winter wonder falls
Upside down against the walls
Let me move just for a bit
Words never more perfectly
More amazingly have they fit
Those are just the melodies
Echoing the chorus
All through the trees
When will it be time
For time to begin

Pondiferous Sunrise

Cresting majestically across the sky
Dividing what was and what is yet to be
The warmth echos and tell us why
All is balanced, awake, and there
Sharing the moment without a care
Risen refractions slither through
Breaking the darkness that once was in
Softer than an angel's smile
Calling dreamland to return home
Reuniting the world with it's day

Momentuous

Moonlight reflecting upon the snow
Calls steadily to the midnight wind
Blow cold against yesterday's glow
Find warmth within the winter trees
Unity of comfort and painless peace
Separated nothingness jabbers by the door
As another moment has slipped out of sight
Never wasting a second's grasp
Forgoing the acceptance
Intrigued by the "Why"
Not effortless by any means
Yet answered beside the leaves
Cherish forever
Hold onto the weather
Tomorrow is yet a new

Five Twenty

Scurrying out the door
Death by the battery is held
Block of space
Remained between the frequency
Silence could not avail
Before the music played again
Raging upon the skin
Gentle echos flowing free
Where the softness of pillows lie
Comfort finds no way to sleep
Intertwined by the brain's sustain
The glissening dew has captured you

Nevermore

The wind is spinning around the view
To the vast emptiness I bid thee adieux
Mornings dewdrops fallen
Slowly rendering images
Unknown of fear
Shadowed beneath the pane
As the window opens
In flies the rain
Now soaked by gentle wonder
The beginning is
Already was
In the moments behind now

Untold

Following the path
Not yet been endured
Driven mad
By one's own train
Thought processes flow
Silently away
Forgetting moments
Live now for the dream
Smile regardless of whether you know how
Brightened by the shadow
Whilst merely glancing out the door
Awaiting this week's end
For untold memories to begin

Frayed Absense

Timeless chambers holding down
The violent hugs of roses from now
Traced by nothing that ever will be
Yet joyous and triumphant
May it fill me
Let me fly
Until the left brain has taken
The right half for a spin
I fear my sanity is fading again
Chartered patterns that lead into this
Are reminiscent of dreams long since sold
The pain is so happy
So empty and free
Yet no love to embrace
No fruit for me to taste
This harmonious wonder
Has me losing what is real
Seems the decision has been made
The heart has spoken
Nothing left to do but enjoy the ride

~Structure~

Her porcelain lips shimmer in the twilight
Softly awaiting the kiss all too long deserved
Now it seems she is still waiting
A princess with a humble self image
Being cherished from afar
Without knowledge
Building a value of himself is dragging the chain
Yet time refuses to slow or be detained
Until the reality becomes a known
Aspects of mentality can be adjusted
Yet we may never know
Preconceived ideas are all we have
And without looking beyond
We may never know the possibilities
The sun will rise
Tunes will fly
What will be
Already is
Just waiting to be found
Moments overlooked
Years of wisdom and misdirection
Creation of the depths of the chord's structure.

No-think

For-thoughten by the winds of chill Against the time and ageless chimes Craving nothing but beyond Happy Forget the future Chase standing still Until everything is free flowing Words will caress I stop only to breathe And there you were

Splendiferous

Amazing what a change of wind can do
Smiling against the backdrop
Echoing within the madness
It falls into the sunrise
The dew becomes another
Day is to be perceived
Changing nothing but
Point of View
The lost pirate
Finds his way

Structure

Her soft skin shimmers in the twilight
Softly awaiting the kiss all too long deserved
Now it seems she is still waiting
A princess with a humble self image
Being cherished from afar
Without knowledge
Building a value of himself is dragging the chain
Yet time refuses to slow or be detained
Until the reality becomes a known
Aspects of mentality can be adjusted
Yet we may never know
Preconceived ideas are all we have
And without looking beyond
We may never know the possibilities
The sun will rise
Tunes will fly
What will be
Already is
Just waiting to be found
Moments overlooked
Years of wisdom and misdirection
Creation of the depths of the chord's structure.

Sprinkled Memories

Chasing thoughts of now
Wondering amidst the nuero impulses

Garbage

Social obscurities abound
Into what is no longer around
Forever entrenched within these chains
Pain is the only way to gain
Follow the path all covered by brier and brush
Society languishing
Our country in turmoil
Yet selfishly I gaze upon my own
Desiring nothing more the silence within music
And harmonious triumph
Breathe now
The heart still beats

Todaysies

The flowering melt downs life's tale
Enter this now a review of failure, yet success of likeness beyond belief
Gorge yourself on the knowledge and be aware
This is no trial
It is the final chapter
Life is ending
And we have no say
No control
No time

Calling

The abyss is calling me again...
Come home, the voices scream louder now
Darkness is all you should know,
And forever there you will go
Forget thoughts of light and joy
Fleeting memories of youth's farce
OPEN EYES
Bewildered by reality
Tomorrow holds another breath
Nothing more, Nothing less
I was never meant to be
Balance can be restored by a single remedy
But weakness imbibes my ability
To attain even such a menial wave
So serve the tide
And ride this pain
Forever is nothing
For me to gain

Joyless

Suffering the breath
Against weather's grain
Nothing to find
Not even a brain
Stress beyond worry
And life without passion
Taken before
Dreams are attained
Forever flowing away
From the path meant for thee
Float away now
Before you become me

Senseful

Grasp the handle
Before it is gone
The days of many
Is soon to be found
Solitude and harmony
One in the same
Record the silence
Before it is gone
Like everything else
That has decided to move on

Disappear

Although expected
Shattered non the less
Chasing dreams of yesteryear
Is nothing but a timeless
Trial
Directionality of the lost
Begin a journey full
Laughter and tears
Not to be shared
Tomorrow's so for away from now
What will it bring
All unknown is fear

Sunset

Although the night is upon us
I feel the sunrise again
Yet they still stir in my head
These feelings of terror
Angst and unknown
Are to be expected
And yet they tear apart
The fibers of existence
And eternity's gaze
Is still staring
That day is not here.

Duration

Caress the ignorance of time
Follow the path of inquisitivity
Folded within the patient venue
Staring into to void
Grasping what is fictional invisionment
And breathing the fresh new lack of air.

Rewind to Now

Unless the verse needs to flow
Beyond the infinite afterglow
And into the voidless walk
To be gated by the memories of another day
Another way
Listen to the chords as they meet
Frequencies free flowing
Against the phantom sunrise
Released upon the vitality stage
Forever to be found
Another risen showcase
Buried alive amongst the waste
Cross over to the mentality
Yesterday has yet to be

Frost

Light fades into the room
Sorrow is gone before the dew
A spectrum of existence
Carved into the view
The company of another day
You might find
Is sitting under the under tree
Somewhere in your mind
Breathe in again
Time grows faster beyond your soul
Frosted with memories
That from yourself, you stole

Memory

Carry the weightless journey tight
Beyond the lacquer and liquor's court
Folded between the angry chair
Discover this challenge and fly
Horizon chasing the landscape
Until they meet again
The collision of regression
Casts a shadow on the wall
Forever chasing the running man
Until ravaged and broken
You find yourself alive

Chipping Away

Something inside
Finds another soul
One that is lost
Away from the road
Against the sunrise
We must travel again
Dreams of everlasting
Eternity's grin
Happiness abounds
Solitude surrounds
Hold on tight
This will be a bumpy ride
Down the road
Drowning in the rain
My very own thoughts
Are driving me insane

Mesmorizing

Wondrous fields of vision's gaze
Lunging toward a bright new existence
Planed along another's shelf
Where comes from this place
Morbid traces of lost memories
May I find the words
Fly into this night
To be shaded from the darkness
Until yesterday returns
And finally I can bind
This feeling inside
It is screaming so softly
I can hardly breathe
Continue now
The future is near

Ablaze

Dancing on the horizon's edge
Bursting with tangerine folds
Engulfing the sky
Wondrous melodies chase the morning dew away
As silence turns into the day
Smile again and you may find
Happiness in the sunrise
Today has yet to become dusk
Hold tight to yourself
Never let go
Don't get lost in the stare
For it may transform once more
Stay now
The moon wants to sing
Before it fades

Journey to the Center

Frantic arrangements of yesterday's past
Shuddering before the frosted glass
Cold and wet
Wrapped in warm memories
Chasing the string
One times six
In my grasp
Forever more
Tuning into reality
I seem to have found
My feet are no longer touching the ground

Mindful

Twilight shattered by the horizon's gaze
Tomorrow is looking bright
Still slightly out of reach
Yet pain seems dulled by its presence
Wondrous dreams of what may be
Maybe this time we will see
Forever is a long time to feel
Another one strums the rhythm
As the chorus begins to rise
Soloing no further
For we were meant to be
Until all fantasy
Becomes reality

Drenching the Pavement

Stranded by the side
Against the walking way
Where ever there be light
You will not find me
For in shadows I thrive
Feeding off the silence
Chasing a dream of years past
Strumming it's chorus again
Listen with me now
Cam you hear the pain
As it fades into the distance
Sunrise has brought a new day
Take in these moments
And hold on tight
Dream scape's calling again
Into the horizon we go

Falling from this desolation, I find there is a sunrise still to be seen. Life and love are attainable , and I want both

Follow me now into the void, be not afraid of the unkown forces driving the stake through my heart, as I can not be released in such a manor

Changes

Regardless of the situation
Life is ever changing
Our paths are not always easy
Still we must traverse
Grated by the trails
Forged right in our way
We must remain true
Or love may never find
Its way into this life
This world
This time

Slowly

Falling into it again
Wanting nothing less than everything
Chasing dreams and singing songs
Until everything that once was
Becomes again
Exploding smiles into the atmosphere
I wonder how long it will take me
To get here

Sliced, Not Diced

Let it tear the flesh away
Until there is nothing left
To press or to play
Eternity is gazing into the glass
Forged inside depths unknown
Tomorrow's yet to come
Memories cherishing
What is already there
Before the breeze
Into the sunset
Fall into the clouds

Climbing

Laughter and play
Unleashing the sunset's curve
Wondrous claims of existence beyond
Voided by nothing
Against the background like a painted tree
Swinging in the imaginary breeze
Solstice of delight
Happening with ease
Willing to climb without restraint
Dreaming again
Might not I find
That it is some where other than my mind that I belong
Cliffs of the sanity's peak
Will never undo fate

Unconscience

Rendered helpless by life's ever changing grasp
This whole world is turning away
From into this void we are thrust
No chance for anymore or less
Than what we find
Waiting there
Insanity's sound mind
Smiling with a crack
Dare we who look back
Remember the darkest of days

Against the Waves of the Tide

Chasing my head around the view of life's gaze has led me to believe that happiness is a selectively warm gun, with very few bullets.... Honestly, though, here I sit at age 31 starting all over again, no point in all that so we will just find a way to remain on this couch, and in this chair for the next 30 years or so until they haul me off to the loony bin or whatever they call it these days..... the boardroom on my head will convene again someday, but we have taken a sabbatical from life's pain to enjoy our own personal anguish...
THIS IN TURN WILL BE A GOOD THING, BECAUSE MONEY WILL CEASE TO EXIST FOR ME AS A PRIORITY.... ONLY MUSIC AND FOOD WILL REMAIN ON THAT LIST..... no more doctors, now more considerations of re-entering the USMC, no more thought of greater things..... just a little warcraft here and there, and my part-time job that just doesn't pay the bills..... this is sure to be one of the most difficult transitions in the history of my life, and yet I must take it in stride, as the other involved has been scared by my actions and words, and it is time for her to be free of me, I seem to be a curse to all who know me, and it is probably best if I could find a way to sever contact with the world in general.... or maybe just find a way out of this country, and into a new one to start over.... and since my words are always getting me into trouble... I should find a place that can not understand English and move there.....that way if my mind speaks before I am ready, no damage will be served along with the gibberish that is my thoughts.

Tomorrow is yet another day, and I may find that I have nothing left to offer this world.... or maybe I do..... but that point here isn't me at all, it is all about letting go of the chains that bind. Certainty may be found at the bottom of the bottle.... I just hope I don't start believing that again... as it has been almost 5 years since I drowned my fears and sorrows by losing myself in drunkenness....

Spinning a Top

Spiralling backwards into space I find
That it is not myself that I have in mind
Another has gotten away
From this against the broken day
Followed through the dark and dim
Will we ever be again
Silent words of caution then break free
Into the world must you be
Forever lost with my heart's beating gasp
You may never know or read these words
Still I will wait
Until the music fades

Sunday

Finding understanding within the spirals of existence is an amazing thing. Rare, but still it does happen occasionally...... sing a song and play along until the sunlight fades. Smile at the Cheshire Cat before he disappears again, and eat the blue mushroom, not the red one!
Follow the yellow brick road to the Dark Side of the Moon in hopes that the curtain isn't hiding a short man who could also be the owner of the Moulin Rouge.

Yet I digress ..... life is full of suprises and who know when one might be a good one.

If not, eat the poison apple and cease to be.... only existence is real, and reality can bite sometime. So where do we go from here? Who knows..... I certainly don't.

Struedel

Laying about the empty doorway I see the stare
Painless like a moth on a sunlit dew covered blade of grass
Until this recedes there will be nothing i can do
Revelations of the bullshit within
Is there nothing that remains sacred, or are we all just a part of this intergalactic fuck-fest where you are either losing your mind or your soul.... but no one single purpose does it seem to serve. Mindless zombies walking through the streets buying technology that will inevitable fail due to lack of power which we are using up all of the Earth's resources to create.

The sun will rise and set each day and yet we do nothing about the color of the tulips in our neighbor's yard..... and again I find that maybe, just maybe, we may find a day of peace...... I mean true peace where the bullshit ends and we don't have to hear our own thoughts chasing us away from our dreams...... for all we are is one in this big ass universe and who really knows how long we will remain here... just be sure if you are in the area to stop in and see my uncle Ted .... he loves visitors.

So plant your trees burn you Styrofoam, and see if they balance each other out..... better yet stop throwing your trash onto my planet.... and for the sake of all that is holy please don't eat the peanuts from the bowl at the bar... that's just too disgusting!

Bull Mother of Incomplacent Sobbing

Raging inside me now, I find nothing..... nothing but overwhelming emotions spinning out of control. I just spent almost a full hour watching as my poor kitty tried to pee, but he can't..... damn bladder stones, so off to the vet we go in the morning. But here is the bullshit that I face: I need to spend this paycheck on a new car or I will not have a way to and from anywhere.... so I will most likely have to let them kill my precious little friend, I will never get to hear him purr again..... I don't know why I get so attached to animals, but I do.... at this point I don't fucking care why, I just want the pain to end.

Death is a never ending cycle of the universe... but it is not supposed to be a decision, more like an event... one that has no rhyme or reason. I most likely won't be sleeping for awhile as I am about to ask someone to kill the only friend I talk to on a regular basis..... how fucking pathetic am I?

No sense is meant to be made from my thoughts anymore, just stress and agony. But where else would my music derive it's dark aura?

So here is to you Marti, I hope that tomorrow finds us in another existence.

ದೋ ನಾಟ್ ರೆಅದ್

Italian drenched in a swirling gate
Grated and graded
Odor's forgotten sense

Did anyone taste the creation off course, maybe after the third leprechaun has gone to sleep. Only then will the fire be soft enough for you to sneak through the shadows. And yet , you might find yourself falling into another somewhat nonsensical arrangement of jars... all filled with peanut butter to about three quarters of the way , and the rest of the way with some kind of spam-like substance. Dare you take a bite of the sandwich that is sitting on the table in front of you? Of course none of this is even happening , so you are going to take a bite.... in fact it appears that the entire thing is gone, now silence falls and spiders crawl again the walls are tumbling, "Green gravy files inside of electronic smiles" is all that you can seem to say..... seems that you may have become a bit of a local in your journey amidst the faeries.

I do so hope to someday meet the friends from that plane, where else could I make sense of myself? And who ordered the damn pizza? Maybe it is the hunger I seek as into this madness I creep and forgotten once. Wrecked solstice in my hands, shall we play again?

Must Remember

It has come to my attention that I may have just spent the last few years of memory in a stasis of on-going delusional depression.

Let's back up a bit... After quite a long run of inspirational journeys I found myself with my own band and living in a beautiful area with nature all around. Seemed like what you'd expect to find at the end of the rainbow. You know, happiness all around... music, friends, bonfires, and even a party or two!

One day I lost control of a door when slamming it in rage and there was no more guitar, no more music... it had faded away, into the clouds. So then it seems I dive into a fast moving stream, where the fish are smelly, and they all drive trucks.... but oh man the green that fell from the corporate sky! The thing about fast moving streams is that , eventually, you have to jump out or face the falls ahead! After a crash like that is is so very easy to assume that the agony inside is from the loss of the stream. When, in fact, I never dealt with the loss of my music.

So now I see, it not too old to be. For within existence, lies responsibility: to fly, to play, to sing, and to be.... for the universe has happened, only when it is allowed, to retrace these memories for us to enjoy.

That being said I now feel I truly understand. what has been holding me, making me doubt...now it is time to live my life!

Silent Snickering

Echoing within
Painted against the background
A masquerade of sorts
Becomes life's purposeful course
Changing and overflowing
Everything has gone pale
Beauty
Perception
Peace
All inside
Moments like these

-sjp

Snap - a - long

Yesteryear has brought us here
We lie awake and wonder
The day is frosted in visions of hollow
Sold by the vendor to auction
When will we begin to find
Doom is not not yours nor mine
Salvage the pieces of retired foes
In hopes of reality
Finding your pose
Now stand
Along the way we find
Touched by the pass of a moments glance
Silent yet screaming
Heard by the trance

Hummina Huh?

Yet again it has been found that the timeless wonder that is the human condition has led me outside of myself, curiously waiting for the changes that are inevitably coming.

Like watching a tiny little frog try to get across a 6 lane highway in the pouring rain during rush hour. It's not impossible, however, the probability will not increase by staring at the situation.

Have you ever eaten something out of the refrigerator without first checking to see how long it has been there? Also not a good idea. As the temperatures rise outside, I am finding it harder to make excuses to stay out of the heat. I like it, the sweat... and patiently I will sit in the sun and burn the flesh from my bones. All in a call or several calls.... whatever it takes to here the voice that brightens a normally boring day. Yes that is right I have Brad Pitt on speed dial! We talk several times a day. And I am also trapped inside of my guitar for hours on end... just waiting for the sun to rise.

Speed limits are in place for a reason, although I personally don't feel it necessary to pay attention to them. Why limit ourselves? Why should we settle for less than what it is that we truly desire and need in our lives? Again no answer would make sense, except that we shouldn't. Never accept complacency from yourself. Ambition is the drive of success, and we should all be chasing it daily.

A golden retriever that is 2 years old sits down in the road to die... hoping that someone will hit him before they see him.... that makes no sense, yet it is what those of us who do not have ambition seem to do. Why? Maybe because tuna fish doesn't taste as good from the pavement, and we prefer to eat cheese on our broccoli.

Nonsensicality is the purpose of the boardroom within, and it will reconvene Tuesday June 19th at 6:45pm, please do not be late, as we will be discussing the renovations that are going on against the will of the masses.

Should you find my phone please email it back to me... I am lost without it.
Again spread the watermelon on the table then cover it with whipped cream. this will allow the fantasy to find a new level of entertainment. Do not add water after midnight. And never, under any condition, are you to eat the table!

How about the timeless wonder that has become today?
Forgotten yet the topic of today? This presentation has been brought to you by the letter "A" and the number "1" , as they go well together.

Thank you, come again!

GrrrrAvitationality

Thus begets unto thee the possability that you don't understand yourself.
But why would you ask that? What does it mean?
To be quite honest, you have been running in circles for quite some time now... and the ground is getting thin. Age means nothing... only the heart can guide you through. This is quite a paradox of insane findings....

Against the odd shaped boxes is the answer that we are all searching for, however... we may be to late to see the reasons that have brought them to light.

Anxiety is driven by the very same force that has held you down for so long....
the escape that was once there is now obvioous to you and the voices that dwell, to be nothing more than a drug party.... a distraction from the reality that has passed.

Too many lost days.

Does anyone ever really understand themselves? I used to believe it to be so.
Now I know it is. However.... how do you rectify a situation that has condemned itself into the void? You make a sandwich and have a glass of tea.

Even still the pain that has grown is lost beside the road... like a racoon that just wasn't fast enough. Why, you ask?

Simply this: If we were meant to be constantly doped up and out of our minds... we would have been delivered unto this world with a Morphine Drip permanently attached to ourselves. And yet we do not... So one must conclude... yes definitely...
That the decisions we have made that have led us this far has laid these results before our feet. And now we must repent.

But forgiveness is so hard to grasp... why is there mercy for the wicked things that have been traversed by such poor judgment ?... Only the self that was before the drugs would really understand the answer to that.

Life is so full of bullshit anymore that I am amazed when something REAL actually shows its face.. or the MUSIC is bright and clear enough to open my head back up and let the boardroom convene.

In no way shape or form has the ranting of these voices today meant to imply or defy anything within myself or yourself... please be advised that confusion may become entangled inside.

Be sure to donate your blood for there are many people out there in need of it!

Thank you... and Come again!

-Peace-Out-

Fragile (Fra-Geee- lay)

Broken and scattered
Thoughts are becoming
Once attained
Now contained
Trapped and aging
Silence stirs the night
Golden moments pass
Time and water flows
Running against the crowd
Craving the unknown
Reality has been
Tomorrow's fruitful grove
Smile endless shine
Hold onto the purity
Candles fall into play
Whipped and torn
Lodged for the day
Early sleepless
Happiness will pay
Price of nothing spent
Abstract foreign signs
Of music paying rent
Watch and grow
Be the change
Chance for pain to flee
And happiness to be

Again

Yellow turtle crawls
When will he see
Tomorrow is mythologically insane
Never to become

Wonder and wander
Within the twilight
Gravity upside
Downside aging through

Severed simultaneously
Heart and soul
Feel the fear
Taste the pain

This may only find
Another one in mind
Yet afraid of life's stare
You gaze without a scare

Frightened joy
Permeates spirit's flow
Words entangled
Chopped and sewn

Frozen wrath
Of exstacy
The past and future
May never be

Existence is futile
Resistence in vain
Emotions overwhelming
Today is again

Run on

What would happen if the tide ceased and all was again frozen within the demension that is now? How could we find another moment? A second or minute to move beyond that frozen point.

Posabilities are that you will never really know if this could be. (Odd of our minds functioning with the entire universe at a stand still is 1 in 597,856,974,978,253,420,679.001672) That's a very unlikely probability.

When you make a peanut butter sandwich do you spread the brown paste on the bottom or the top piece of bread? It all depends on your position in the womb as an embryo. Again you will fail to see the point within my brain's methodology. Or maybe you won't.

Have we discussed the situation going on last Wednesday? That was a wonderful time! Guitars were singing and so were the humanoids..... music is the freeing embrace of enchantment. Blazing against the sunset we climb into the sky, again flowing with anxious little pods of light... otherwise know as pie.

Hablas con quesa in la vida. But I do not speak Spanish or Italian for that matter...
Estoy muy triste porque mi pero mi polio~pez y mi mucho amore mi polio~pez. Like I said I don't spick da Spane laguage at all too well.

Tomorrow will be another day.

This rambling has been brought to you by the letter "X" and the number "17"
We hope you have a nice day! Thank you, come again!

Walking

Forever entranced
Force of existence
Lost among the veins
Flowing timeless wonder
Downward
Soaring
River's bend again
Delivery abstract
Gazing reflection
Beyond the view
Traversed never
Destruction at bay
Until fried banannas rain
Disparaging faint
Forlorn by disgrace
Words abide
What the walls can not
Emotional bliss
Canned by ignorance
Break into the wise
Know not of the life
Before it was safe
Ruin's gait
Becomes my own
Follow me
Dare if you go

Here and Then

Today marks the new begining of my thought process. No more preconcieved ideas of doom. Just open interpretation of reality. Dare I make my brain a public walkway? Maybe it will be too disturbing for the innocent. But who am I to tell them that the blood on their hands might be that of another? Reguardless of the outcome, this day has come, and soon I will be enveloped within.