Raging inside me now, I find nothing..... nothing but overwhelming emotions spinning out of control. I just spent almost a full hour watching as my poor kitty tried to pee, but he can't..... damn bladder stones, so off to the vet we go in the morning. But here is the bullshit that I face: I need to spend this paycheck on a new car or I will not have a way to and from anywhere.... so I will most likely have to let them kill my precious little friend, I will never get to hear him purr again..... I don't know why I get so attached to animals, but I do.... at this point I don't fucking care why, I just want the pain to end.
Death is a never ending cycle of the universe... but it is not supposed to be a decision, more like an event... one that has no rhyme or reason. I most likely won't be sleeping for awhile as I am about to ask someone to kill the only friend I talk to on a regular basis..... how fucking pathetic am I?
No sense is meant to be made from my thoughts anymore, just stress and agony. But where else would my music derive it's dark aura?
So here is to you Marti, I hope that tomorrow finds us in another existence.
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