Rendered helpless by life's ever changing grasp
This whole world is turning away
From into this void we are thrust
No chance for anymore or less
Than what we find
Waiting there
Insanity's sound mind
Smiling with a crack
Dare we who look back
Remember the darkest of days
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Against the Waves of the Tide
Chasing my head around the view of life's gaze has led me to believe that happiness is a selectively warm gun, with very few bullets.... Honestly, though, here I sit at age 31 starting all over again, no point in all that so we will just find a way to remain on this couch, and in this chair for the next 30 years or so until they haul me off to the loony bin or whatever they call it these days..... the boardroom on my head will convene again someday, but we have taken a sabbatical from life's pain to enjoy our own personal anguish...
THIS IN TURN WILL BE A GOOD THING, BECAUSE MONEY WILL CEASE TO EXIST FOR ME AS A PRIORITY.... ONLY MUSIC AND FOOD WILL REMAIN ON THAT LIST..... no more doctors, now more considerations of re-entering the USMC, no more thought of greater things..... just a little warcraft here and there, and my part-time job that just doesn't pay the bills..... this is sure to be one of the most difficult transitions in the history of my life, and yet I must take it in stride, as the other involved has been scared by my actions and words, and it is time for her to be free of me, I seem to be a curse to all who know me, and it is probably best if I could find a way to sever contact with the world in general.... or maybe just find a way out of this country, and into a new one to start over.... and since my words are always getting me into trouble... I should find a place that can not understand English and move there.....that way if my mind speaks before I am ready, no damage will be served along with the gibberish that is my thoughts.
Tomorrow is yet another day, and I may find that I have nothing left to offer this world.... or maybe I do..... but that point here isn't me at all, it is all about letting go of the chains that bind. Certainty may be found at the bottom of the bottle.... I just hope I don't start believing that again... as it has been almost 5 years since I drowned my fears and sorrows by losing myself in drunkenness....
THIS IN TURN WILL BE A GOOD THING, BECAUSE MONEY WILL CEASE TO EXIST FOR ME AS A PRIORITY.... ONLY MUSIC AND FOOD WILL REMAIN ON THAT LIST..... no more doctors, now more considerations of re-entering the USMC, no more thought of greater things..... just a little warcraft here and there, and my part-time job that just doesn't pay the bills..... this is sure to be one of the most difficult transitions in the history of my life, and yet I must take it in stride, as the other involved has been scared by my actions and words, and it is time for her to be free of me, I seem to be a curse to all who know me, and it is probably best if I could find a way to sever contact with the world in general.... or maybe just find a way out of this country, and into a new one to start over.... and since my words are always getting me into trouble... I should find a place that can not understand English and move there.....that way if my mind speaks before I am ready, no damage will be served along with the gibberish that is my thoughts.
Tomorrow is yet another day, and I may find that I have nothing left to offer this world.... or maybe I do..... but that point here isn't me at all, it is all about letting go of the chains that bind. Certainty may be found at the bottom of the bottle.... I just hope I don't start believing that again... as it has been almost 5 years since I drowned my fears and sorrows by losing myself in drunkenness....
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